Rainy Monday/St. Patricks day

I am not wearing green.... so go ahead and pinch me :)

It was another action packed weekend with the boys. I gave them lots of hugs.. and one time.. Andy broke down into tears.. he said he had something in his eye, but I know it was because.. well.. he loves me too. I won't see them now for another two weeks. It's so crazy on the weekends.. trying to keep things together.... getting the boys dressed.. making sure everything where it should be. Andy told me that Wed night dinners are a "hassle" he said that he has homework and that he has things to do and it's too hard to go out to dinner... with Dad... I wonder when weekends are going to be too much of a "hassle" I know that they are not Andy's words, I know that the hassle he is talking about is the going back and forth... it's easier if I am not coming by to pick him up.. and it's easier if his mother and grandparents don't say bad things about me when I do.. and it's easier not to be asked question after question when I take them back. For an 8 year old.. it is a hassle.. Alex said nothing.. that he didn't want the "divorce thing" anymore he is tired of it. I agree... but I am still here, trying to see my boys... On Wednesday nights.. I would leave work early and drive for an hour in traffic to pick up the boys.. I would wait nervously, wondering if they were going to come out.. when the did.. I would feel so much relief and happiness.. then they would get in the car and talk non stop... both at the same time... fighting for my attention as I tried to find some place to go to dinner.. Early on, we would go to places like Peter Piper Pizza or Chuck E Cheeses.. but that's too expensive.. so later we would go to dinner and then maybe take a walk around the mall or a park.. then I started taking them back to my house.. but I live at least 30 minutes away.. so that meant another hour in the car.. the boys would be hungry by the time we got home... and I would rush to make them dinner.. so.. a few weeks back I decided that it would be easier if I just took them to dinner nearby their mom's house.. we could relax.. spend less time in the car.. and if we finished before 8pm... then I would take them home.. I mean.. if they had homework.. or were tired.. they could go to bed early. That bother my ex wife and my ex inlaws.. why??? because it was my idea.. not hers... she doesn't want to be told what to do... if she said.. "bring them home earlier.." what she would have said "BRING THEM HOME EARLIER ASSHOLE!" then, I am sure that it would have been ok.. but because it was my idea.. she was pissed off.. and now she says that dinners are going to work... Andy says that they are too much of a hassle.. and I would have to agree with Andy.. but it was a Hassle that I put up with because I wanted to be a part of my boys life.... Now.. I will just have to do that, every other weekend.

I know that I won't seem them until March 28th, at 5:30pm, and I won't be able to talk to them on the phone. Awhile back I felt like it would be so much better if I lived in another State, so I could see my boys for an extended visit in the summer and not have all of this back and forth.... maybe it would be better for them.. well.. it looks like I didn't have to move.

Anyway... it was a nice weekend.. the boys had fun.. we did a lot.. and they were really good boys. We had a talk and I know that they know that they love me... and they know that I miss them.

All I know is that I need a break.. I need a day off.. really... maybe I'll take Friday off.. and rest