Another cowardly phone call

When I come in to work and see the message light on my phone, I almost always have a message from my ex wife. She will call and leave a message here at night, or early in the morning. Knowing that I am not here. She has no intentions of speaking to me.. she just wants to leave her orders for me... This time she said.. that she doesn't think that this "Wednesday dinner thing is working and she is canceling it"

What would you do in my shoes?

If you have read this blog for awhile, you know the kind of crap that she pulls. Here is the thing.. you also would know that I have no faith in our court system. I do think however that this... may be the thing that gets the attention of a the judge.

But... I wonder what I am fighting for sometimes. I think that the boys... may just not want to see me on Wednesdays.. I know that I probably will see them on Friday.. and I will ask them what they want.. and I know what they are going to say. They are going to say what their mother has told them to say.

I am going to write a letter outlining my intention to come and pick up the boys each Wednesday and send it to her via certified mail and regular mail. The letter will also go to her lawyer. I think that is all that I will do right now.

I know that it won't change things... because... it will just make her more steadfast... Yesterday when I spoke to the neighbor she was honest with me that she just "stays clear of those people" she doesn't want any trouble or for them to even know that she spoke to me. It is amazing the amount of fear they can put into people. My sister doesn't want to watch my boys in the summer.. because she is afraid that if say.. one of the boys had an accident at her house.. no matter how minor that those people will sue her... and they would. My mother says that she won't take the boys during the day for the same reason. They have too much to lose.

I am just going to document everything.. just keep on documenting and documenting... just so that if we ever do go back to court.. I can show the judge what has been happening. Will I initiate a court hearing? I probably won't.. I am being honest here. I have been down that road before and it doesn't come out in my favor.. as a matter of fact.. it has never helped me.

The thing is.. I am tired of getting upset about this.. tired of coming home to the boys pictures when they are with me.. all happy and having fun. To be honest... really really honest.. dinners have always been hard.. the boys go through a little transition period when I pick them up. Andy used to have tantrums, but he has gotten much better. Alex now, doesn't do the transition thing... he stays in that mode.. that he is at his mothers, the Anti Dad mode. When they are at "their house" they won't say anything about me... they have been trained that.. talking about Dad is a bad idea. They have been trained not to tell Dad anything, they have been told that Dad doesn't care about them, and that Dad is a deadbeat because they can't pay their bills, that they can't get new things because Dad doesn't give them enough money, etc. etc... the damage has been done. I used to think that if I went to court and told them all of this.. that something would be done.. but it won't.. nothing will be done.. I mean, the court can scold her and maybe they would put her in jail for the things she has done.... ooh.. that would make me happy... right? but I know that the boys would hate me for that.. she would come back to the house.. she would still see the boys and she would blame me.. the boys would be even more upset at me for putting their Mom in jail.. or for... whatever... Going back to court is not the answer... So, I will document that I still want to pick up the boys.. and I will go back and attempt to pick them up.. knowing that they won't come out.. I will bring witnesses, etc. etc.. but.. not because I am going back to court.. just to have in case she does something...

You can tell me that I am wrong.. but I have given this a lot of thought. What will be the outcome... I mean what will be the best possible outcome from going back to court? That the boys will be given to me with full custody.. .The judge told me that he is not inclined to do that... so.. take that out of the picture... Maybe she will be scolded... maybe she will be inconvenienced... but she will just step up her efforts against me with the boys..

I am not afraid of her.. I am tired of her.. she is an annoyance now... My boys know how much I love them.. but I can guarantee that when Alex gets in the car on Friday.. for our weekend visitation.. he is going to tell me... that Wed's are a bad idea Dad... I don't think you should come pick us up for dinner anymore Dad.. I have too much homework..

and.. to be really honest.. maybe he is right..I don't accomplish too much on Wed night's as a parent.. I don't hear about how the week is going or what is happening in their lives. We have dinner.. Andy tells me about the latest developments in Playstation land and Alex tells me about his plans for the upcoming weekend with me. We have a couple hours of bonding.. That's all, and I know that is important.. but I also have to tell you.. that it is hard on them. It is hard because their mother has made it hard.. their mother has done her job well. After 4 years of this.. I am tired of it..