Jul 31, 2012

I am back

It's July 31st and it's been years since I've posted to this blog. I guess Facebook and other venues afforded me an opportunity to be social.. I guess... not that I am a very social person. The truth is, I need very few people in my life and they are already there, some I would like to see more and I don't look to meet new people or spend time with anyone else. So... why after all this time am I writing again. Well, the day after my birthday (I am now entering my 52nd year, crazy) I just feel very introspective. After so many trips, to so many places, one place made me feel different, and that was the trip to Hawaii with Myra and Sam. Today as I take a break from work on a lunch hour, having some coffee I can't help writing down how I feel, how I feel that I have changed a bit. I guess I may be afraid to go back and look at the posts from several years ago, to see how I was and how I am. So... what's changed? It wasn't Hawaii, or Maui, or the people or the beach, it was the time I spent with Myra and Sam and the flood of memories of times that I spent with Alex and Andy when they were younger, and maybe even a few memories of when I was younger. It's about how at the end of the year, if we take stock into those moments that Mattered... the time that we will remember, the time that we wish we had more of.. well it has nothing to do with work. I feel that my work is unimportant, a means to an end.. a way to make money so that I can live.. not meaningful, but I try, and will try harder to help others in achieving their personal goals,and maybe their professional goals too. Two things happened on my birthday, I got an email from a sales person that was elated that I helped her to find a better place to work, somewhere where she will be happy... and I spent time with my boss reviewing some of the work that I need to do to report on the state of my area... top priorities, strategies...etc. etc. .. I wish that helping others was measurable in some way.. that I could put it on my KPO's.. (key performance objectives). So, as I feel a little closer to understanding the meaning of life.. I realize that there are many times that i am very far from it... floating in my ford taurus, pushing buttons on the radio trying to find something to pass the time... when time is so special. That is what I realized and it made me a little scared... time passes too quickly. Alex my oldest son called me on my birthday.. a first.. the first time he called me on my birthday.. Andy said he loved me on Facebook and wished me a happy birthday. Sammy made me a card and gave me a big kiss as I plugged away on my computer trying to work... trying to pay attention to my boss explain how I need to set my goals...and strategies for work. I know that planning is important... sure... so I am starting to plan a way.. to spend more time on things that I love and less on those things that are meaningless to me. I think I know what I would like to do... now I just have to sit back and wait. Maybe by the end of this year.. there will be a change. Ok... off to a rambling start :) back to blogging

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