Anybody still here?

friend me on Facebook... Chris Bates

Thoughts as time has passed.... Alex and Andy have grown older, but not grown up.. they are still kids in my mind, even though they are both teenagers and getting even a word out of them now has been impossible.

I hold on to moments this summer when we spent a short 3 weeks together,memories that while together, it was if we were never apart. We enjoyed being together and talking about the future and hopes.

I don't know how they will remember me in the next few years, hopefully they will remember that I have tried for years now to even get them to pick up the phone when I call, and now to just simply answer an email or to leave a message... nothing comes back now. I don't deserve this type of treatment.

For so long i excused the boys out of their fear of their mother and maybe they still have some of that, but they could take a chance on talking to their father, or then again maybe their mother is truly psychotic at this point.

I will eventually be moving back to arizona and we will be closer in proximity, but hopefully we will see each other more also. I am planning on it. planning on the hope that they will allow me to help them, to simply be a part of their life, but it really will be their choice.

I know that I have given what I can, with no.. absolutely no discussion from their mother for 10 years other than with regards to money.

it's been awhile since I have posted, but here I am...

47

wow, that sounds old

so far i have been underwhelmed by my coworkers. I got a few happy birthday notices, but not from my boss, or from people that work with him, I expect more from them, but that's ok, I know where I stand.

it's funny to get happy birthday notices from around the world from people that I have never met. thanks,

I dont' know why, but birthdays tend to make me melancholy, maybe I am not alone in this, but this anniversary of my birth reminds me of some things, and of course I am very thankful for others.

Thanks to those that remembered, of course my family.

and... I do hope that Alex and Andy call me today, they said that they would.

but we'll see.

take care all.. maybe I will only post once a year :)

sammy having some lunch

SAMMY DOES YOGA

I was going to sit down to start a productive day of work at home today.. and I thought, wow, it's so quiet no construction noise out there and I opened up all the windows so we can get some fresh air in the house and I sat at my desk to the sound of EVERY single fire alarm going off in the house.

Probably of dust in one of the sensors, but they are not easy to reach... we have 10 foot ceilings so to reach most of them requires a ladder.. and one of our rooms has 12 foot ceilings!!!

it took about 30 minutes for me to find the one that was freaking out.. take it down and take out the batter...

yikes.. now it's quiet again!

yay!!!

2008?

how does the time go by so quickly? has it really been 7 years since I started this blog? the other day I saw that the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing was here again and I thought to myself, only last year was the 10 year anniversary, but in reality that was 3 years ago... time goes by too quickly. I hope that I am able to savor some moments because i am getting older each day... For me, it is easy to float, to pick moments and enjoy them, even if it is just pulling weeds in the yard, I like to do it, to see something get accomplished.

but... when i look at how 5 years have gone by and how Alex and Andy are now young men... I love looking at the photos of the fun we had, and hope that there is much more to come.

because, I unfortunately am perennially a child... I have the nature of a kid, a boyhood fascination with things and luckily I have Sammy to play with too.. to sit in the sandbox and dig for china, because I still enjoy it and long for the day that we can fly a kite together...

I didn't get the chance to fly kites too much with Alex and Andy, we had fun, it's all documented in the photos, but in each set of photos, they get older, I love them and want them to be such good kids, and I know that they are. I am lucky.

i guess my fear is that they will tell me, to... grow up.

Can I just read this little kid's book forever? Oh, the thinks you can think!

This afternoon I am sitting at some coffeehouse, that I found.. listening to Sigur Ros, a band that I found on someone's myspace. if that someone happens to find this blog... then we are even :)

it is a beautiful day, one of those days whereby i feel rendered useless... a wasting day, time slipping by again, typing, again, after so long

Memphis