7.30.1961: quiet

Aug 13, 2004

quiet

Quiet

It is so quiet here today. Fridays are my day to work out of the house. Today, there is no AC on, the windows are open, there is no breeze... it's quiet.

I have to know that the boys love me.. I had a bad dream last night.. and woke up very early. In my dream the boys and I planted some seeds in a pot and watched the little plants sprout leaves.. then they had to leave and go back to Arizona. In my dream, I woke up and went to water the little plants and they had withered away, there were tiny bugs at the bottom of the soil and the more I tried to revive those little plants, the worse they got, until there was nothing left at all. I woke up in a panic, because the plants had died.

Of course, it's a dream.. a nightmare. I know the boys know that I love them.

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100 things

1. I am a Dad
2. my boys are 14(Alex) and 12(Andy) years old and 1(Sammy)
3. I am divorced and have been for almost 3 years
4. I have found the love of my life and have been married since 2003
5. I am tall to her.. 6 ft.she is 5ft tall
6. I have never been called skinny..husky is a better term
7. I am hairy. My grandma told me to eat the crust on my pizza because it would grow hair on my chest and it did.
8. I am blonde but there is some gray (or is that grey?) showing up in my goatee.
9. I have started my life over again, but I know so much more now.
10. I have been to 48 states ( only am missing Hawaii and West Virginia)
11. I think that people can be happy anywhere
12. I think that people can be miserable anywhere
13. I believe in karma
14. I believe in God, I would call myself a Christian rather than a Catholic
15. I lived in Mexico when I was a little boy.
16. I was the only blonde kid in town, I looked like a ghost at my Holy Communion
17. I have been to the U.K to Cyprus and to Colombia
18. I want to travel to the rest of the world.
19. I have owned 22 different cars
20. I don’t come across insecure, but deep inside I still am
21. My favorite button on the TV remote is ‘Return’
22. I enjoy the Discovery Channel
23. My favorite sport is Baseball, but I don’t mind missing a game if it means I am with someone that I love.
24. I love auto racing, especially Formula One.
25. I am from Connecticut originally, I have lived in Arizona for most of my life, now I live in Tulsa
26. I am 40 something years old, but I act like I am much younger sometimes.
27. I am a leo, in every way.
28. I have a bachelor’s degree in Marketing and an MBA
29. I don’t like the word Hate
30. I really don’t like stereotypes in any way, we are all different.
31. I can be impatient
32. I can be very anxious about losing important things
33. I love to give my all in love, but realize that I need to hold some back for me
34. I find it hard to love myself
35. I don’t like looking in mirrors.
36. I have been called attractive and my girlfriend thinks I am beautiful
37. I wish I could live in San Francisco (someday)
38. I want a simple life
39. I want a lot
40. I love to garden, to see the things that I have planted grow and to pick the tomatoes that have become ripe
41. I feel like I am invisible sometimes
42. My secret identity is Phooey from Tulsa(if you made it to 42, you know my secret!
43. I love the podcast Keith and the Girl
44. There is nothing that I say here, that I wouldn’t share with people that I know.
45. I spend time alone at work and I have too much time to think
46. I don’t regret getting my divorce, but I regret that I don’t see my boys and am not the father that I dreamed that I would be.
47. I work hard.
48. I am no longer addicted to caffeine
49. I wish I could speak and think in more than one language
50. I want to get married again and I want to have another baby.---Hey I did!
51. I don’t want to wait
52. I am very gullible
53. I don’t trust that many people.. only one right now.
54. I was in an abusive marriage for 12 years and I wouldn’t not have survived if I didn’t leave.
55. Someday my boys will understand, someday they will know why I left
56. I dream of flying low to the ground
57. I have a dream house.
58. I can’t decide what a nice car is.
59. I wear glasses and my mother offered to pay for laser surgery, but I declined
60. My parents are well off now and both are retired. They divorced when I was 18
61. I have no idea what my next career step will be and I am just going with the flow
62. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was to identify my sister’s dead body. I was the first to arrive at the hospital. She was killed by a drunk driver.
63. I am not an activist, nor very political in anyway. Sometimes I wish I was.
64. I have no piercings or tattoos.. but I want a tattoo, I just can’t decide what to get
65. I only like vanilla ice cream.
66. I don’t like chocolate anything
67. My favorite book is “I know this much is true” by Wally Lamb because it made my life seem easy.
68. My favorite food is pizza and my last meal would be simple spaghetti and meatballs, home made.
69. My favorite band is U2 but I really disliked them when I was younger. I think it was their first album that I didn’t like.
70. I sometimes realize my age, but most of the time I would never guess that I am as old as I am.
71. I had to go pee at number 54, but waited until number 70.. so I wouldn’t lose my train of thought.
72. I stopped taking my asthma medicine and I guess I don't have asthma anymore
73. I used to be a hard core punk rocker and I ran a skateshop, hung out with Henry Rollins and have a pin in my foot from a skateboard accident.
74. I am a bit of a showoff
75. I need to lose this gut!
76. I try hard to be positive.. to think positively
77. If I had a superpower it would be to heal others.
78. If I came back as an animal I would like to be a bird.
79. I am a procrastinator
80. When I meditate, I see myself holding my girlfriend
81. I love the ocean, but only if the sun can set on the water.. west coast rather than east coast.
82. I love to fly kites.
83. I have a pin in my foot
84. i could easily stay up all night long, just about any night of the week and have to force myself to sleep (written at 2am)
85. I used to think that my job had something to do with what I contribute in life
86. When I stopped thinking that way, the job I have actually makes a difference in people’s lives
87. The truth is.. we all make a difference.. positively or negatively in other peoples lives.. even if we don’t realize it
88. I love all kinds of music, but new country music.
89. I want to build my own house, design it with my girlfriend (she is a landscape architect) -we did last year!
90. I want a nice patio or porch to sit on at night.-we have it
91. I have grown(emotionally and spiritually) more in the past year than I have my entire life.-can I say that every year?
92. I can talk and talk
93. I cannot help everyone
94. I shouldn’t try
95. I have learned to listen rather than try to fix things
96. Sometimes I forget
97. I don’t really have a favorite movie, but I love movie popcorn.
98. I love sharp cheddar cheese
99. I think that my mind moves too quickly
100. I believe that everything happens for a reason… everything.

7.30.1961

Aug 13, 2004

quiet

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