sweet and sad

Sweet and Sad

Today it is raining in Northeastern Oklahoma. The boys are still sound asleep. I'll be working out of the house today so they do not need to go to camp. Andy told me that he would have been ok to go, becuase the people are nice. At the beginning of the week, he begged me not to go to camp.

This morning, I am sitting in my office under the cloudy skies outside, listening to KEXP from Seattle and I am filled with some mixed emotions. It has been 2 weeks already... and I have enjoyed every minute with the boys. They have matured a little, but they are still boys. I see my niece and how quickly she has grown up and I wonder what the boys will be like next summer. I know, I should just enjoy the moments now.. and believe me, I am. We aren't tyring to cram too much in.. really we are just living a normal life. And that is the sad part. I can easily see, just how normal this could be. the boys are so happy, so relaxed so... normal. They enjoy Oklahoma. In a way, I can tell that they are surprised at how much they like it. They haven't mentioned their mom or anyone over at that house for the past week.

In the past, there were times that it was so difficult when the boys came over. It was a struggle becuase of all the angst inside of them, the mixed feelings about me. This past week has been easy. The boys have slipped into this lifestyle so easily. They want to go buy some fireworks for the fourth of July, alhtough I am sure we will just get some sparklers, it will be fun.

I can see the boys going to school here, making friends in the neighborhood.. riding their bikes around, playing football and baseball with their friends.

Then reality sets in.. in 3 more weeks, they will be going back to Arizona. They will go back to doing relativly nothing. Alex told me last week that his grandmother made him watch the entire 5 hours of the Reagan funeral. I asked him why and he told me "because it was historical" I told him that we won't be watching any news here. Not this summer. Sure it's important to keep up on current events.. but Alex and Andy are 11 and 9 and sometimes they want to have political discussions about Bush and Kerry...

this last week at summer camp they met kids that couldn't care less about this election.. and I like that... I like that instead of talking about politics, and funerals, they are talking about trains, video games and tv shows that they like.

The boys like the size of the house too. they like that they can get away and go to the guest room to watch tv of go upstairs to play with a train or Andy can sit and play Playstation, or we can all sit and watch the Simpsons or like last night.. M, Andy, Alex and I sat on our deck.. we watched the two hawks that fly between the radio towers fight for the territory in my back yard. We watched a full moon come up and the fireflies blinking in the tall grass. The boys had never seen fireflies before.

So, I am so happy to have the boys right now and to give them a glimpse of a simple life. And... I am sad becuase I know... it won't last forever.