The Truth (sorry it's a little long)
My best friend just sent me an email. He moved back here from The Netherlands and he bought a big nice house in an expensive neighborhood. His neighbor is Phil Mickelson and his family now lives about 4 blocks from my ex wife and from the place that my boys live. So, he is trying to decide what school his boys will go to. The school that my boys go to is within walking distance, but he doesn't want to have a confrontation with my ex wife. I am not the only one that doesn't want to deal with her. He asked me what the school was like and how it was different from the other school that is up the hill in a different neighborhood. I told him what little I know. I told him that they have uniforms, I told him that I don't know the names of the boys teachers for the upcoming year, I told him that they are pretty strict, but I never have seen the homework that is sent home.

The truth is, my ex wife has won... she has effectively removed me from my boys lives. Their everyday life does not include me. She gets away with not letting them see me for my birthday. I finally talked to he lawyer and he said, "why didn't you pick up the boys on your birthday?" she told him that I never showed up.. that it is just another one of my games. It has been 4 years now.. Andy was 3 years old when this all started. My ex wife promised to alienate me from my boys, she promised to take away all of those things that a dad would normally have. She has succeeded. I see my boys on weekends, and at this point, I don't even know when those weekend start up again. They will start up, but who knows when.. school starts next week. I would go by to see the boys at school, but it makes Alex so nervous. Another year of explaining to the teachers that my ex wife is lying.. I do have joint custody, I do have the right to go to school. NO, there is no reason to call the police when I come to school.

Throughout my house, there are pictures of two little boys. I see them when I brush my teeth, when I get dressed. There is a huge portrait of them in my living room, but they aren't there. They each have their own room and the garage is full of thier toys, their bikes, their scooters. They aren't there. They are hardly every there. It's time for another school year,,, another year without dad... another year that I won't help them with their homework, another year.... another year as a weekend dad.

I called the courts for help... There is a department that you have to go through first,,, before you can file for comtempt charges. It is called expidited services. I have gone through this before. I spoke to the counselor and asked for the truth... honesty.. what will happen if she doesn't let me see my boys for two months???? and then when we come to the meeting, she lets me see the boys.. WHAT will you do? She said...

nothing, we will do nothing.. once it has been resolved.

I explained to the counselor that... my ex wife has learned that nothing can be done.. . that she can get away with it. I asked what would happen if I was late in dropping off the boys for just one day.. if I kept them for one extra hour, what would happen? She said that I could be charged with kidnapping if I didn't bring them back when I was supposed to. I asked what would happen if I didn't pay child support and she said.. You could go to jail... Then I asked, what happens if I go to court and tell the judge that she hasn't let me have my boys? She said, it depends on the judge, but the worst thing that happens is that she is sent to a class on how to be a responsible parent.. and the chances are.. I would have to go too.. and she would would be warned not to do it again. again.. and again.. until they are 12 years old.. when they can decide where they want to go.

When they are 12, she can have them tell me that they don't want to visit me... and I can't do anything about it...

So, I sit here waiting for a glimmer of hope, but there are times when I just feel that I can only do what I can... that getting upset isn't going to solve anything.

I just got a call from the Arizona Bar Association. A very nice lawyer named Kip said he would help me if her lawyer doesn't get back in touch with me. That is very good... ok.. a little hope.


I am torn and at times like this, I do need advice. Calm clear advice. My family tells me to go after her.. to go to court and expose her.. but in my experience, it doesn't do anything.. and this lawyer that I just spoke to said that the judge more often than not.. looks for someone that is trying hard to be reasonable.. the person that is bending over backwards, will be noticed, rather than the one that brings everything back to court.


Should I go to the court and file a motion of contempt.. or should I wait.. let her hang herself again.. let her tell me that I can't have the boys for a long time.. that because she wouldn't let me have them for my birthday that she won't give them to me for another day. I asked her attorney for another day.... he said he would ask her. I know the answer, but the reasonable person would say yes, even if it was a misunderstanding... even though it wasn't. The problem... it's me against three.. Just me vs, a lying ex wife and lying ex inlaws. those are bad odds. Last time the judge told me that to prove my...allegations... that I needed to bring an impartial third party when I pick up the boys. Ok, I don't know that many people as it is, my family and my girlfriend and my friend.. none would be considered impartial, although they would tell the truth. So... who in their right mind would go with me to pick up my boys? I guess I could videotape each time. I tried that a couple of times too. They put on a big show. Who is going to come with me everytime. Who do I want to put through that? My girlfriend? So she can take the abuse too? No... no.

OK.. I think I talked myself into calming down.

I tend to do nothing. Is that wrong? I don't believe that the courts are the answer, they haven't been for 4 years. I have had little victories...... but in the end, she learns more and more that she can do whatever she wants.... and she will get a slap on the wrist or worse yet.. I will get a slap on the wrist for even bringing it to the court.

Here is my track record.

I have spent.... $13,000 plus on lawyers fees

early on, I would have my lawyer call her and write letters and document every time I didn't get clothes or the backpacks or homework or medicine for the weekend (this has NEVER been resolved) I realized when it was too late that the courts would do nothing about this.. and that I had just spent $3,000 on a lawyer and letters and faxes and phone calls.. that I could have put in a bank for the kids education.

I asked for 4 emergency hearings to have the house sold... 3 years later!!! 2 weeks prior to the court date.. she sold the house to her father... she got it out of my name, and ruined my credit in the meantime.

She has repeatedly given me problems with visitation, she tries to alienate the children, she doesn't let me talk to them on the phone and she doesn't give me any information re: medical, school or anything else for that matter that is required under a joint custody.

and what has the court done? nothing.. we have been to mediation 3 times! and the judge just sent us back again... because she doesn't like the summer arrangement and I was reasonable again and said.. sure... what the hell.. mediation.


So... I have learned something too.. I have learned that getting upset and trying to do too much.. only backfires.. that when I feel that things are going my way.. I better just stop, because they will turn around.

there are too many examples, but the one that comes to mind is when the police actually went and got my boys when she didn't give them to me on my son's birthday... on thanksgiving.. at 9pm they went to the house and they turned them over to me. They said... "call us if you need any help" ... that Monday, I thought I would do just that.. I called the house to talk to the boys.. the police said "document it.. the phone company and see if the phone is working,, then call us back" I called the phone company,, they tried to call the house twice.. both times the phone was answered and she hung up... so the police sent an officer to the house.

the officer told me that he wasn't going to arrest me that night, but he would have to put in a report for harassment.. because I called the house three times consecutively... yup.. I had to go to court and nothing happened.

I have been charged and convicted of harassment because I was told to turn off the power. I was told to do so by the power company, because I hadn't lived in the house for 3 years, and I hadn't been married for 6 months.. but no.. that is called harassment by interfering with utilities. Even the judge admitted that if the roles were reversed, she would have got off... if we hadn't been married, it would have just been a simple business situation. Instead, I went to a class for "abusers" for 16 weeks.


Is it worth it to fight?

Is it really?

I don't see any results, none.

and.... my friend doesn't want to send his kids to school with my boys, because of her.