Clarity

Do you ever have those moments when everything seems so clear? It seems as if everything is going just right. You sit back and wait for somethig to happen because how long can that last. I wonder if there are people that feel this every day. Do you?

Today is shaping up to be a beautiful day. Not too cold, just right.. nice and breezy. My boss is coming to visit, but his flight was delayed and I might not see him today :). I feel good, maybe becuase I sense that I have lost some weight, my clothes feel better on me.

I sort of tortured myself this morning... opening up a file of pictures that I took of the boys, last year at this time. It was right after halloween and in that file, I had saved a couple of little movies that I made with my digital camera. The boys and I joking it up.. laughing.. without sound. Alex and Andy rolling around on the carpet. It looked like so much fun. It made me realize that I have lost something... not just being with my boys, but I am not as playful anymore. Being with my boys kept me feeling like a little kid. I miss that... something fierce... I miss it. M says that I am different and she is right. I want it back.. I want to be able to be silly with her again, but it feels forced. I feel that if I act silly and goofy.. well.... I feel guilty. Memories come in and I see the boys... getting angry with me for taking that away from them.

Look at this blog... I try to talk about what is around me.. I take my camera on the road.. looking for photos, but I rarely stop to take them. My life has changed. It will change again.

In the meantime, I love reading about your lives.