Sometimes, I am very dense

My wedding day is fast approaching and I can sense the nervousness and the crazy emotions that my fiancée has gone through because of it. I want to help her more and last night.. I realized just what I need to do.

You see.. in my mind.. our life is only going to get better. I am really at a low point in the ebb and flow of my career. I was heading towards the top only a couple of years ago and now.. my salary just doesn't match my qualifications... I know that I am not alone out there, but I also know that my experience and skills will bring me back to the top and in my new position I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel... it's been a long dark 2year tunnel, but I am seeing that light and it's getting brighter.

The thing is... sometimes, I don't want to tell her that everything is going to be all right.. I want her to love me despite all the turmoil in my life and the troubles that I have.. I don't want her to think that everything is going to be perfect all the time. Maybe we haven't been communicating very well... she has fears.. she is worried about the future.. what is going to happen? She really only wants me to tell her that it is all going to be ok.. that we will be great together that there is nothing to worry about.

I know that there really isn't anything to worry about, but it is hard for me to tell her that.. or it has been hard... How can I explain it????... hmmmm...

well... I think it is a product of my past... I don't want to build this rosy picture of us buying a new house and having lots of money.. because that isn't the lifestyle that I want. I want to live a simple life, even if we somehow become very rich. I want her to know that our future and how good it is going to be, doesn't have anything to do with our fortunes in the lottery. I want her to know that I am positive that I will be successful again..... I am holding out right now to complete my MBA... and maybe just maybe there may be some huge opportunities here where I am currently working. Actually, I am now in a great position to grow and succeed. I have always managed.. to find my way to a position that will bring me to a higher level. In the hotel industry, I changed jobs every couple of years.. I would take on new challenges and shine in my achievements.. and I just had to find out how that can be done in a company as large as the one that I am working with, but I know that I am right there. There are only 2 people that work with Doctorate students.. that are outside of the United States.. there is so much to do with this .... and I am excited to come to work again, because there is something new everyday.

I know, that I just have to tell my fiancée... that it is all going to be ok.. I know that.. and I did last night.. she was so happy.. she knows what could happen, but she just wants to know that no matter what... we will be ok.

I can't believe that I haven't told her that before....

Yes.. everything is going to be fine...

Yes.. this guy... (ME)... is a very good man..

Yes he is the type of man that will be devoted to his wife

and to love her

and...will also take care of her and make sure that no matter what..

WE are going to be just fine.

I guess I have been wanting her to figure that out for herself.. and she has just been waiting to hear it from me.