I can't stop :)
No, I am addicted to this blog.. thanks Willow and Listener... the thing is... I need it. I need to vent now and then I realize that I need a break from all of this.. so I'll be the poster boy for multi tasking. It's not so bad.

When the weekend is over with the boys.. I sit back and reflect on Monday about everything that happened. I remember on Sunday.. after Alex and I did some work outside... the next door neighbor boys came over and asked if the boys could play. Alex was outside and he said "no. not Andy... let's go" but I told him that Andy could play too. Today, looking back I can see why. Andy and Alex are so different, but the thing is.. Andy is like most boys his age. He loves video games, playing with guns and riding skateboards. He likes things that most other kids like. Alex.. is different.. he likes to invent things.. to take a pile of junk and make something out of it. He doesn't like video or computer games, he likes to work on his train set, he likes to invent new things. After I got out of the shower and I was eating lunch.. I was relaxing for a bit.. and Alex came back by himself. He said that Andy had "taken over.. and the kids didn't want to play with him" I made Alex a sandwich.. and he complained that I put mayonnaise on it. I was tired and didn't want to hear his complaint. I saw tears in his eyes... and he went in his room. I was too tired to follow, but those tears... have me thinking today.. and I won't have a chance to talk to him until Wed. I know what those tears were for. He doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere. When the boys were younger, they would love to go up and play with their cousins.. but this weekend.. the cousins were busy.. until 5pm on Sunday night.... while Alex would love to play with my niece.. because they are the same age.. she is changing.. she doesn't want to do the things that Alex wants to do.. So, that leaves me.. and at that moment.. I was tired.. worn out. I overdid it for a little bit. I did manage to push myself to help with his space shuttle rocket and he did appreciate it.. but when he went around to show everyone what we had made... nobody cared. Nobody wanted to see him launch his new rocket. I bet they may have even made fun of it.

I feel bad for Alex, because I know how he feels. I guess I was the same way as a kid.. maybe I still am.. I don't really want to hang out and do the things that kids my age want to do.. :) I still want to spend the day working on something else. Oh well.

He says that he doesn't care.. but of course he cares. Of course he would like everyone to want to do stuff with him. Alex was really touched by the movie we saw on Saturday, it is all about saving our planet.. how everyone can make a difference. He was working on new ways to conserve, and how we should use solar energy, and recycle.

I really love my boys.. this weekend was crazy as usual.. and I am tired.. but that really is what life is.. there is more that I could write about.. like how the four of us watched "The Sandlot" on Friday night.. and we ate pretend smores... and how sweet the boys were in the morning.. letting me sleep a little bit longer.. (7:30am) and how sweet they were to my fiancee.. how they did listen to her when she asked them to do something.

It's all about love...isn't it? I mean, that is what keeps me going. I love my fiancee... I love my boys.. To me, that is what matters.

For the first time in my life.. I feel that I am pushing myself.. really hard.. maybe too hard at times... but it's ok.. it's ok to push.

I still want to do my blog everyday.. and take a break from all of those homework assignments..and to stop thinking about work when I am not at work..