Thoughts as time has passed.... Alex and Andy have grown older, but not grown up.. they are still kids in my mind, even though they are both teenagers and getting even a word out of them now has been impossible.

I hold on to moments this summer when we spent a short 3 weeks together,memories that while together, it was if we were never apart. We enjoyed being together and talking about the future and hopes.

I don't know how they will remember me in the next few years, hopefully they will remember that I have tried for years now to even get them to pick up the phone when I call, and now to just simply answer an email or to leave a message... nothing comes back now. I don't deserve this type of treatment.

For so long i excused the boys out of their fear of their mother and maybe they still have some of that, but they could take a chance on talking to their father, or then again maybe their mother is truly psychotic at this point.

I will eventually be moving back to arizona and we will be closer in proximity, but hopefully we will see each other more also. I am planning on it. planning on the hope that they will allow me to help them, to simply be a part of their life, but it really will be their choice.

I know that I have given what I can, with no.. absolutely no discussion from their mother for 10 years other than with regards to money.

it's been awhile since I have posted, but here I am...