Grey day in Muskogee

A grey day in Muskogee

Have you heard the song, “I’m proud to be an okie from Muskogee” ? Well, this is Muskogee. I arrived here early, after leaving the house late. The trip down here was much faster than I had planned. On the way down, I pushed the scan button on the radio and found one of those station that is very low on the dial.. around the 80s that is actually a television station. It was interesting to listen to TV on the radio. The reporter was telling a story.. I can’t remember his name, but he is that guy that throws a dart at the map and then goes out to find a story. He believes that there is a story everywhere. This story was about a little boy that missed his grandmother… she died and he still said hello to her each week. He did so by taking a balloon to her because he knew that she loved balloons. He didn’t take it to the cemetery; he took it outside and let it float away to the heavens so she could catch it.

Tears started to flow out of my eyes; luckily I was alone in the car. Emotions rushed in, so many thoughts. I wondered if my boys think about me, if they say “Goodnight Dad” before they go to bed. I wonder if they believe their mother, the brainwashing that she is doing right now, or if they remember how much I love them. I think back to when I was 8 years old going on 9… Andy will be 9 on November 23rd…. what do I remember from before the age of 9? I shouldn’t continue to lament about this, because it affects the way I live my life now. I know that I really am not giving all the love that I should to my wife. I love her so much and want her to be so happy, but I guess if I am honest with myself… when I feel very happy, I feel a tinge of guilt.

I also cried because I remembered my sister Jennifer. Her birthday would be coming up this month also, but she died in that car crash back in 1984… almost 20 years ago. Yes time changes your grief. I love my sister Jennifer, and miss her. I ask for her advice often because she seemed so aware and on top of things. She is probably laughing at me right now for thinking that.

I had a pretty good week. I have been on a new diet.. I’ll tell you how it has next week. The good thing is, I haven’t been hungry and it has been nice to have a plan of what to eat every day.

I am going to write the boys in a little bit. I am a creature of habit and routine. I usually don’t follow either, but always wish that I did. Lately, I have been in a routine, but I know that as soon as I get comfortable, M will get bored.

J Have a great weekend!