The judge is very busy. Susan his assistant said "I saw your motion Chris" I asked if iwould get an answer before Father's day, because I really couldn't stand going through father's day without my boys. She said yes.. but she didn't sound encouraging.

An old co worker of mine that I used to see at conventions and other big events just had a baby... or his wife had a baby :) I used to like to have dinner with him becuase he has gone through some of the same crap as me. He actually is older than me and he has been married to his second wife for awhile. He has been so happy and now to see him with his new baby.. well it looks great.

Maybe that will be me someday. Of course, M will want to have a baby first.. she'll be doing all the hard work and I would like to have a job that is paying me what I am worth so she can quit hers if she wants. I missed so much of my sons childhood.. I never saw them come home from school.. never really helped with homework. I feel guilty sometimes, but I know that it is not my fault, I have tried, but still I feel bad. I would love to have a second chance someday.. to be the father that I can be.