Fuck!

No... it's not good news. I talked to the assistant to the judge today.. she was trying to help me. She was going to set up the teleconference, but when she realized that the judge was out on Thursday and Friday (celebrating Father's day no doubt) and she was out on Tuesday, she told me to wait on hold. Ten minutes later she came back to tell me that my "emergency motion" was denied. The judge didn't see it as an emergency. She was nice enough to try to explain, but she told me that I was late in filing my motion. She told me to get a lawyer and to spend the money.. I told her that I can't afford it and I never saw any results with a lawyer anyway. Why isn't it an emergency? The summer is going by.. she is in contempt.. why? because the judge needs a reason to make it an emergency. If the boys don't see me, are they in danger? Are they being abused? That makes it an emergency... NOTHING will be done....

So.. where does that leave me.. ???? the Father of two boys... I got another lecture from his assistant.. she said "this divorce was in 1998 and you two still can't work these things out?" I tried to explain to her and she told me her story.. she has been divorced she hates her ex but they do what is best for the kids.

FUCK!!!! fuck... fuck.. fuck...

I am sick of that lecture... I have an ex wife that would never return calls.. that does whatever she can to alieniate me from my children and she doesn't give a flying fuck.. the judge doesn't care.. nobody cares... somehow.. part of it is my fault...

damn it... there is no justice ladies and gentlemen.. none.. you can't get it from the courts.. and now I have to HOPE that my ex wife makes the mistake of calling the judge to see what is going on and the assistant will get her to show up for a conference. She won't do that.. she will ignore it...

She will find out that I have been denied and laugh about it. She will feel a sense of victory..."See... see.. he really does want the boys.. and fuck him.. he isn't getting them."

what is good for the boys.. sure.. they should spend some time with their father. Damn it would be easy if I was an uncaring son of a bitch.. it hurts more to care.

I am venting here, because I don't want to vent elswhere... so if you think I will let this affect my new life with my bride.. I won't... I will continue to clean up the boys room and the house... and I will continue to hope that I will see the boys this summer.. I will go by and honk the horn on Friday and see what happens.... maybe they will come out.. but I bet they won't be anywhere near that house... I bet I won't see them on Father's day.