The constant heartbreak

I know what it feels to lose someone you love.. but I wonder if others really know the heartache that comes when I see a picture of my boys with big smiles on their faces at Legoland or Disneyland or at Pinetop, or with their cousins in the pool. The times the boys are with me. As usual, I am having difficulties with my pain in the ass ex wife. Our divorce agreement now says that I have the boys for the first half of the summer and she has them for the second half. I went back to court to make sure exactly what that meant last year... and the judge concluded that I would have them for 5 weeks starting no later than one week after school got out. For some reason my ex wife doesn't understand this.. and refuses to give me the boys.. I wonder sometimes if it is because she is vindictive or if she is just plain stupid.. no... I know.. she is both.

So.. yesterday I was extremely pre occupied.. it is not good.. not good for my relationship with my beautiful new wife.. trying to start a new life and to be depressed about circumstances that are beyond my control. I could go back to court.. and take a chance on the judge... that seems reasonable right? But... something must be done... I can't go back to court every single weekend.. every time I want to see my boys... the court really does nothing to punish her.. they will just set up a time for me to see the boys.. and who knows what will happen.. maybe the judge will say that 5 weeks is too long.. maybe he'll buy into her lies and I won't see the boys at all.. It has to stop.. right fucking now....

I have made the decision that I am going to call her today and tell her basically this...

That... until she realizes that the boys need a father in their life and that they do enjoy coming to see their father and that in a few years that will be teenagers and without me.. her life will be a living hell. That... her mother that takes care of the boys in the summer... because she works full time.. is over 70 years old now.. and I am sure that she doesn't want the boys 24/7 for the next 3 months....

Well...I am going to tell her that I am tired of playing these games.. I am prepared now.. not to see the boys.. that I am no longer going back to fight over and over with someone that is vindictive/angry/ignorant and stupid (sorry for the redundancies) that the boys need their father, but she has made it impossible for me to see them.. that she has done her best to alienate me from them and that she will get what she deserves when then become teenagers and she is the only one that is going to be there... when her mother is no longer around.. and she doesn't have me to help... it will just be her.

Happy summer... and fuck you bitch.

It is going to end now... I will not be fucked with anymore...