Please forgive me... my rant in the previous post.. it's just taht I guess this is too difficult to understand for my ex wife.

I really am tired of the rollercoaster of emotions. I am going to give her lawyer until next week to do something about it and then we'll be going back to court.

But before that.. let her think that I don't want to see the boys... see what happens... see what happens.

The constant heartbreak

I know what it feels to lose someone you love.. but I wonder if others really know the heartache that comes when I see a picture of my boys with big smiles on their faces at Legoland or Disneyland or at Pinetop, or with their cousins in the pool. The times the boys are with me. As usual, I am having difficulties with my pain in the ass ex wife. Our divorce agreement now says that I have the boys for the first half of the summer and she has them for the second half. I went back to court to make sure exactly what that meant last year... and the judge concluded that I would have them for 5 weeks starting no later than one week after school got out. For some reason my ex wife doesn't understand this.. and refuses to give me the boys.. I wonder sometimes if it is because she is vindictive or if she is just plain stupid.. no... I know.. she is both.

So.. yesterday I was extremely pre occupied.. it is not good.. not good for my relationship with my beautiful new wife.. trying to start a new life and to be depressed about circumstances that are beyond my control. I could go back to court.. and take a chance on the judge... that seems reasonable right? But... something must be done... I can't go back to court every single weekend.. every time I want to see my boys... the court really does nothing to punish her.. they will just set up a time for me to see the boys.. and who knows what will happen.. maybe the judge will say that 5 weeks is too long.. maybe he'll buy into her lies and I won't see the boys at all.. It has to stop.. right fucking now....

I have made the decision that I am going to call her today and tell her basically this...

That... until she realizes that the boys need a father in their life and that they do enjoy coming to see their father and that in a few years that will be teenagers and without me.. her life will be a living hell. That... her mother that takes care of the boys in the summer... because she works full time.. is over 70 years old now.. and I am sure that she doesn't want the boys 24/7 for the next 3 months....

Well...I am going to tell her that I am tired of playing these games.. I am prepared now.. not to see the boys.. that I am no longer going back to fight over and over with someone that is vindictive/angry/ignorant and stupid (sorry for the redundancies) that the boys need their father, but she has made it impossible for me to see them.. that she has done her best to alienate me from them and that she will get what she deserves when then become teenagers and she is the only one that is going to be there... when her mother is no longer around.. and she doesn't have me to help... it will just be her.

Happy summer... and fuck you bitch.

It is going to end now... I will not be fucked with anymore...

A song

Have you ever been standing in line somewhere and heard a song that normally would just be background noise and then just started to sing along? Well, I am sure that there are others out there that do this. It happens to me all the time. M, looks at me and says "You know this son?" in a not so flattering way.. yes it makes me feel old sometimes,, and sometimes it makes me feel experienced. Yes.. I know the words to a lot of songs.. and the other day I was at Home Depot... which I like to pronounce as if it was a french.. try it... Hom Depot... I have this habit of seeing signs with burned out bulbs and forever remembering how it used to look.. Like when the "Just Brakes" was missing a B... Just Brakes is forever Just rakes to me...

Anyway... the song was "Wondering where the Lion's are" by Bruce Cockburn {click the link and you can hear the entire song on his Website}, and I only knew the chorus and mumbled the rest. I had to look the album up and it brought back memories of the hundreds of times that I listened to his and the good feelings that it gave me. It was funny because just thinking about the album reminded me of Coronado in San Diego.. not because of my recent honeymoon there, but because of the times I went there right after High School... Yes.. I graduated from High School when this album (they didn't have CDs then) was released. M.. reminded me that she was 5 years old that year.

Well, I sent away for the CD on Amazon.com... a little gift for myself. It brings back memories of a time when I would sit in my room alone and listen to records over and over. I particularly liked this album because nobody else knew about it really... I think that the music that is on those tracks will still stand up today. We'll see... I am only going by memories of feelings.. not necessarily memories of the songs themselves.

Summertime
It's summertime and as per my divorce agreement, I will see the boys for 5 weeks this summer. Of course, it's always a hassle. always... I have to play hardball with my ex wife's lawyer just to get a call back. I had to have someone from the State Bar of Arizona get involved for him to call me back. We'll see what happens, but I keep telling myself that I WILL see my boys soon.. and that she can't get away with this for long.. eventually they will be with me and her delay will just cut off the amount of time she has with them during the end of the summer.

Last night we rearranged the bedroom a little bit. I brought in another dresser for M to use for her clothes. I don't have much to say these days. However, when I visit a place like San Diego, I wonder why I don't live there. I love it there, I feel comfortable with the people, the climate the roads... well just about everything. I will make excuses that it is hard to find a job there.. that even if I did,, I wouldn't make enough to have the things that I have today... so I remind myself that people can be happy or miserable anywhere. I am choosing to be happy. However, it does pain me to see the photos of my boys everywhere. In my wallet.. on my desk, on the walls of the house... all of those photos.. but I haven't seen the boys for awhile.

My ex wife is a super bitch... suprabitch... evil bitch... nasty bitch... I really hate her... I hate the way she lives her life and how she can fill me up with hate and anger the minute I hear her voice. I hate how she leaves childish messages on my phone at work... she would be happy that I am full of so much hate for her.. she would be happy that she can have this effect on me... so I do my best to calm down and remember that this time will pass and I should do my best to enjoy it.. and when I get the boys, they will have so much fun.

I have some things planned for them this summer.

Still swamped at work!
I am trying to meet some deadlines for later this week and at the same time start a new class for my Masters degree.

Right now, there is one thing that I am really feeling and it hurts inside. I haven't seen my boys since May 10th and I miss the horribly. I realize that I really never can move from Arizona.. not for awhile anyway. I know that I will be seeing the boys soon for about 5 weeks straight, so that is holding me over.. but for now, their room is still empty.

I also wish that I was still on vacation. I would make a great retired person :)

So, I apologize that I have been out and about visiting but I am really swamped and I need to get a few things done so these students can get into their classes.

Take care everyone!!

I'm Back!
Whew... I have been answering emails for over 5 hours now and I am still not caught up. All are work related.. so I haven't had a chance to do much else.

The wedding was very nice, everything went well. My new bride looked beautiful and maybe by the end of the week the pictures will be up on the computer. The photographer is putting them on a website so I'll link it here.

We went to Coronado for the honeymoon. We just had a lot of fun and we took it easy too. This weekend we did some painting in the house. We have walls that look like sunsets(orangy yellow) and one wall that is dark red and another room that is a green color.. but I am beat today.. my arms and legs are tired from all the painting. Our celings are 15 feet high in some places.. that is a lot of painting!

I'll come back and post more later... thanks for all the nice comments. Everything is good.

Today

Well, today is the day. I will be married! Yeah.

I took a long walk this morning with Molly(my dog) and I was thinking about how nice it is to have this blog. I can go back and look at how things have been in the past couple of years. Think about life in retrospect and realize just how incredible it is. It is a big journey through some pretty incredible experiences. The challenges in my life have made me stronger or wiser and have brought me to this day that I can enjoy so much. I only have a few more things to do before I go to see my love.... and after today you won't see me write fiancée anymore :)

I'll take pictures or find a way to scan pictures so I can post them here in a couple of weeks.

I don't know if I mentioned it before but the boys will not be at the wedding today. I gave it a lot of thought and actually one of the original days for the wedding was on a weekend that I would have the boys. I sat down and talked to them and Alex said that he really didn't want to come to the wedding, that he would be nervous and that he would have to answer a lot of questions. That isn't why I changed the date. I just had to look at the track record for special events in my life. My birthday, the boy's birthdays, Christmas, summer vacation and well... anytime the boys knew that there was going to be something special and how my ex wife caused a problem. She takes those opportunities to flex her control by not giving me the boys or by causing a confrontation when I pick them up. I decided that because of that.. and because of simple logistics... where would the boys go after the wedding? Nobody in my family wants to keep them for longer than an hour, nobody wanted to bring them back to my ex wife.. and to bring them back early would have been a pain anyway.. she probably wouldn't have been there. So... we'll just do something special, the four of us.. sometime this summer.

I believe that someday the boys will look back and say that they wish that they were there.. or maybe not.. I know my ex will tell them that I don't care about them, but they will make up their minds for themselves someday. Today is a special day for my love and me and if I am being a little selfish and because my wife is going to be the number one priority in my life, that the boys are going to be a part of OUR lives... well, I am not going to ask for forgiveness from anyone. That is the way it will be. The boys will be in our life... not the other way around.

Marriage is a huge step in anyone's life. Earlier in my life, I made a mistake. I married someone that I didn't love. To be honest, I didn't know what love was. I don't really want to go back and think of that day anymore, but I want to tell anyone that may be reading this that if you aren't married. Take your time, especially if you are young. Maybe we have to make mistakes sometimes, but at 41 years old.. I do wish that I had at least 15 years back. I am doing my best to take care of myself now, I don't think that I look or act like the normal 41 year old. I don't think that age really matters, but know that like an old car.. things break. I can feel a few aches and pains now that I never had before, but hopefully it is because I am exercising. I can see how it would be easy to sit back and drive the car to the dog park so Molly could run around, rather than take 2 hours to give her a really good walk and for myself too.

What I wanted to say was that even though I wish that I had time back.. I don't think that I would have changed much in my life. I guess I wish that I was a quick learner. I meet people here online that seem so ahead of the game so mature. I wasn't.. I was naive and easy to take advantage of. I grew up slowly and still want to be a kid now and then. I would have liked to think that I would have met my love if life was different, but when I was 23 and getting married for the first time.. she was only 10 years old. When I was getting separated she was 24 years old and not even thinking about a life in the United States. So, things happened exactly when they were supposed to happen. I know how to appreciate life now, how to appreciate the love she gives me and I know how to do my best to make her the happiest woman in the world. I know that the rest of my life will be great. There are no guarantees.. no crystal balls to look into the future, but I know that it will be so much better.

At work they gave me a card and my boss wrote a little poem "roses are red, violets are blue, I hope you have better luck with wife #2" :) she is funny. I just said.. I can't have worse luck can I?

No.. I am marrying someone that I find incredibly attractive... I don't mention sex here in my blog.. but lets just say that if I was looking for my fantasy girl.. she is it :) Lucky me... and I love to be with her. I can honestly say that she is my best friend. I feel totally comfortable with her and most importantly, I trust her with all of my heart. As you can imagine from my past, it has been hard to trust anyone. I went to a therapist because I felt that I would never trust someone again. It didn't take therapy, it took the right person. There is not a moment that I doubt her at all. Never... and for me that is amazing. I know that she loves me, and I know that she is honest, that she believes in God, that she wants to share her life with me.. that she took some time to really make sure that I am the man that she wants.

I am blessed, with so many friends here and I think I am blessed with many guardian angels too. If you don't believe in a higher power, that is ok. Let's just say that I do believe and that I believe that our lives are just out there for us to live. Bad things will happen. How you deal with those bad things and what you learn from them, will make you a better person. I don't know what better means, but I do know that eventually, you start to learn to love yourself, to trust yourself and to know that love isn't what you get... it's all about the joy that you get from loving someone else. I have found love. I am blessed that someone has found love in me too.

Take care everyone.. see you in a little over a week :)

sorry

I am sort of at a loss for words lately. I have a one track mind... I just can't wait to be married. No cold feet here.. and I know my fiance feels the same way.. the closer the day comes, the more anxious we both are to get it over with. I know that isn't a nice way to put it.. but neither of us like to be the center of attention.. nor do we look forward to having all of our family in one room together. So, I can't wait for Sunday :)

This morning I spoke to a potential student that lives in Beirut.. I asked him "so.. what do you do for a living in Beirut?" He said "I am the regional director for the United Nations with regards to Human Rights for the Middle Eastern Region" Wow.. he was in his car, on a cell phone driving to Iraq... amazing.

I know that I won't be posting at all next week... so, just know that I am having a great time and I will take pictures and bring them back.. maybe even some wedding pictures :)

Lot's of love to all of you!!

Yee Ha!!!

Only more day to go!!!!

For M

I never really thought that I could be so comfortable with someone, I never really thought that I could trust someone so much. I never really thought that being together all the time would not feel stifling rather it feels just right. I don't look forward to be away from you or to having time alone, rather when I am alone, I wish that I was with you. I know that it may seem obsessive or possessive to some, but it isn't. It is just that I want to share things with you. I am so happy that we have an appreciation for the same things. I know that you will never love auto racing the way I do, but I love that you will put the race on when you know I want to watch it. I love it that you get all excited about watching a basketball game with me. I love the way you look in jeans.. and with nothing on at all.. I love to hold your hand in the car. We may be an odd looking couple, and some people even stare at us. I don't mind.. maybe I even like it that we are not typical. I love that we are compatible in so many ways.. some of them nobody else will ever know about ;).. I love it that most people would think you are a prude... well.. let them think that :)

I love you for who you are... I love it that one of your favorite shows on TV is Pepper Ann. I love that you get cravings and that you can actually eat more than me, even though you are 1/2 my size. I love it that you think about me... and that you care about me. I think it is funny that you think that I am the romantic one. I love it that you will save money for months and then buy yourself a nice Tag watch.

I love it that you are so excited about your new makeup, like a little kid trying something new, and I love it that you don't wear too much.. that you can just blow dry your hair and go. I love your eyes, your mouth, your skin, the way you smell.

I love it that this Saturday, you will be my wife.. I love that you have grown to not just accept my boys, but to try to be a part of our lives together. I know that has been difficult. I know that you never thought that you would be marrying a divorced man with 2 kids that is 13 years older than you, but I love you more for never giving up on me. for sometimes going through hell with me for putting up with me being upset and hurting from loss and making my life feel so full with your love.

Thank for everything you have given me... thank you for making my life feel as if it was blessed, that nothing can go wrong. Thank you for making me forget those times when I thought that this world would be better off without me.

I wonder sometimes if God truly is paying me back.. letting me trade in some of my karma. I used to think think that the other shoe would drop. I used to think that for every good time, there were two bad times coming soon. I used to worry that good feelings would never last.

Because of you, I now believe that I can be happy forever, regardless of what comes my way.

I want you to know... that I will always love you.. I will love you for as long as I live.

Music

I listen to so many different kinds of music each day. I will listen to Jazz, alternative, 80s pop, twangy country and reggae in the same day. I just love all kinds of music. I find that my mood can easily be changed based on the kind of music that is in the background. There is this one internet radio station that can get me to be very introspective. I notice that on days that I listen to the station that I think more.. about things.. sometimes I don't want to think.. so I may put on on Classical.. no words to boggle the mind.

Today, I want to think.. at least this morning I do... maybe later I will want to veg out later

I am feeling good.... really good :)

to go!!!

Wow!

I just got through all of my emails... and I got the most beautiful journal from Nicole at Go Fish.

I really am so incredibly grateful. I never really get gifts, but I won this journal, because I just said the truth.

You see.. I find Nicole's blog to be so creative and always interesting. I can go back to her blog 2 and 3 times a day and find something new. Today, I got this incredible journal.

The other day M, (my fiancée) wanted to give me a manicure. I sat back and was in heaven. She was laughing because I was so grateful, so happy. She asked me, "didn't you ever get pampered before"

No, no I never was pampered. I don't blame my Mom, she was 17 when she got pregnant with me.... but she never hugged us.. and I don't remember once going to my parents room when I had a nightmare. No, it is new for me to be loved. And... it is very new for me to get such a nice gift out of the blue..

Thanks Nicole!!

How cool!

more days to the big day!!!

Yikes!

I had 290 new messages in my inbox this morning!

I sent out a little mass email yesterday so there are a lot of bad addresses, but still, I can see a lot of responses. I'll be busy today.

A Friday ritual

I get the newspaper on Friday, Saturday and Sunday each week.. so when we go to work on Fridays I pick up the paper and it is the car with me. My fiancee reads the comics in the morning and it has become a ritual that Andy wants to read. "Get Fuzzy" when he gets in the car. He is a good reader but he puts no inflection in his voice.. If it is good, Alex re reads it.. this time with emotion :)

Andy laughed so hard at this strip on Friday

Weekend update

Well that was a fun weekend. On Friday my fiancée and I, did a little shopping while we were waiting to pick up the boys. We got her some new prescription sunglasses. We also had dinner at Luby's. Has anyone else ever been to Luby's? I know.. it's a cafeteria and it is filled with senior citizens, but the food was good and we could get different things... as Alex says "I like Luby's for the variety" It was also fun to see a totally different crowd.

The boys were only with me for one day this weekend, but we had a great day. Alex and Andy played with the next door neighbor boys, they went to the park, the played at the playground, they rode bikes. Alex and I had some time alone together, we went to get some bottled water and he got a Hawaiian Shaved Ice. We went to my sisters for a couple of hours and the boys went in the pool, then we came home and Alex and I picked up some pizza and the video "Extreme Ops". I invited the boys from next door over and we all had pizza and watched the movie. The boys took their showers and were in bed by 9pm.

I had called in the morning to tell my ex wife that if she wanted the boys on Mothers day that she would have to come pick them up. my ex father in law picked up the phone.. I gave him the message and hung up. I think it is only fair.. I was half tempted to tell them that "we had something to do in the morning, so come by at 10:30am instead of 8:30am" but I told myself long ago that I will not become the monster that she is. I was just going to make her drive out to pick up the boys on Mothers day. Besides, I did have something to go to. My nephew was having his first communion.

I sat with the boys in the morning and we laughed because Andy thinks that his bed is bouncier that Alex's. It probably is, he has a different mattress.

Well,, the got there at 8:30am and Andy was in no big hurry to get dressed or to put his shoes on. I am glad that I sat with them for awhile, because even though they were in the house and the couldn't be seen from the car outside.. they refused to give me a hug goodbye. They kept their arms at their sides.. as if their mother could see through walls.

After the first communion, we all went up to my sister's to celebrate Mother's day. My fiancée is getting very comfortable with my family.. that's very good.. because my family is sort of crazy sometimes.


We went home and took a nap.... and here I am, back at work... with only


more days to go!

Alex called me

Last night I got a call from my son Alex. He is 10 years old and it is the first time that he has called. He left a message... while someone in the background (his grandmother) was telling him what to say. It went something like this.... "Dad, this is Alex.. don't come and pick us up at 5:30 tomorrow, because we won't be here.. I have to.. (shooshes in the background) I have to do something.. so come and pick us up at 7:30pm instead.. ok? bye" I really think he was about to say.. "I love you Dad" when the phone was hung up on him.

So I'll be there at 7:30pm... can you imagine this?? I mean this weekend is Mother's day.. and I have to give the kids up on Sunday.... Well.....

well... nevermind... you know.. it pisses me off.

I will be happy to see the boys tonight. I bought them both some new jammies that I know they will like. Andy will love his.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oops!

April reminded me of something that happened yesterday. We went to a mall to look for some new sunglasses for my fiancée. I stopped off at the bathroom. There was nobody there when I walked and stood at the urinal. Then two guys came in and went to the stalls behind me. Then, two other guys came in and they went to the urinals on either side of me. Now, here is when it gets funny. This one guys says... and I quote "Where the fuck are those guys, they are 30 minutes late, you think that they could call" The other guy on the other side of me says... "Yeah.. this is f***ed up, f***ing losers are always late, they are probably off somewhere playing with themselves" The other guys says "I am sick of this shit.. I hate waiting around for those f***ing assh*les" Just then a voice comes out from the stall behind me as I flush and move on to wash my hands. The guy in the stall says "Steve????" Yup.. the guys that they are waiting for.... are taking a dump. Very funny... I looked over and those guys at the urinal were about as red as a tomato.

more days.....

I'm Lost!

I just got the funniest email. For those of you that work in Cubeland.. you'll appreciate this. Each day we get emails like.. "you are parked in the wrong place" or, "this weekend we will be cleaning out the refrigerators" I delete these as soon as I get them. Today, I got an email that said....

"What are they for? Well, since our managers sit out on the floor now, these flags designate a manager cube from other cubes. Many people were finding it hard to find their manager"

LOL... people can't find their managers!!! That is funny!

Daily Zen

Am I a morning person?

I took this class about 10 years ago. Our company was undergoing a restructuring and everyone had to go to these touchy feely workshops that at first.. I thought were a big joke. In the weeklong workshop we had to talk about our goals in our lives and what we thought we could do with our lives. We talked about what we thought we should be doing. We were allowed to be frank with our discussions (can you be frank with anything else?) and everyone started to open up by the third day. Some of the people in the workshops actually decided that they would be happy to quit their job, they weren't really happy.. they really wanted to do something else with their life. It was really good, because some of us lost our jobs during this restructuring. Personally, I made the decision that I didn't want to move from Arizona for awhile...

Anyway, what does this have to do with being a morning person? Well, one of the other things that we talked about was positive and negative self talk. How we think about ourselves, what we say to ourselves when we look in the mirror. So, one of the projects during the week was to identify all the times you said.. "I am tired... " or.. "I am not a..." (insert morning person/afternoon person/creative person/numbers person, etc.) or all the negative thinking that we do. I was amazed that everyday around 3pm.. I did say.. "I am tired.. I want to take a nap" I stopped doing it... instead I did the seemingly funny... "I am so energized right now, I can do anything" self talk... and damn it.. even though I laughed at it.. it worked.

I don't consider myself a morning or an evening person. I know that in the afternoons.. I sometimes need some tea that isn't decaffeinated... and that I get a second wind when the sun goes down.

Actually, I love getting up really early and coming to work and doing my 9 hours before 2pm. It feels like I get to live 2 days in 1.

In single digits now!!

What's up with that?

Ok, lately I have been thinking that it would be cool if Dave Mathews sang some Bee Gees covers...

Ok.. maybe not cool, but I do a mean impersonation of "Stayin Alive" by the Dave Mathews Band.

I guess it is better than when I thought it might be cool to hear Bob Dylan sing some Soft Cell... "Tainted... loooooovvvvvve"

I was audited!!!

I got a letter in the mail from the Arizona Department of Revenue.

My return was audited and..... I made a mistake!!!!

a mistake that was in MY favor. I neglected to take the personal tax exemption, therefore... here is a check for $67.00 Chris.. you paid too much!!

cool

Music on Hold

You know that music that really isn't music? That digital bing, bing bing.. sound that sort of recreates a song. Well, it seems that that type of music on hold is popular all over the world. Last week when I was placed on hold in Thailand, I heard a nice Christmas song.. and today when I waited for the evening prayer to be over in Jeddah.. I listened to "Home, home on the range...."

It just didn't fit... but then I guess that music on hold, never fits.

How things change

Thanks Robert Frost... it does go on. He was, and I am, talking about Life. You never can guess your future. I don't think that there is one person that can tell me what they will be doing on May 7th, 5 years from now. You may think you know, but that is the best part.. you don't really know,,, you just have to live it.

5 years ago.. I dreamed about being single.. what would it be like? Now, I am looking forward to being married again.. soon! Well, you can watch the countdown :)

Yes, life goes on... when you feel as if you wish that it wouldn't... and then give it a chance to come back around.. just stick it out.. live through the tough times. Keep your head up.... you know? It works.

Soon.... I will be getting married... Did I even think of that as a remote possiblitly 5 years ago? Uh... 5 years ago, I was just trying to survive.

Life goes on. Whatever troubles you may be experiencing at this point.. unless it is a life threatening illness.. I can assure you, that it will pass.

Starting the Countdown

Every single time

When I go to plug in the iron or the vacuum cleaner or.. whatever has a plug.. I always always put it in backwards the first time. There is one prong that is bigger than the other... I don't know why.. and I don't know why it happens to me EVERY SINGLE TIME!

I have to flip it over...does anybody else suffer from this affliction?

All done
This weekend, my fiancée and I wrapped up all that we need to do for the wedding. All that is left is tasting the cake and picking out a flavor.. we will do that tomorrow. She doesn't normally wear make up so it was fun for her to get a makeover at the clinique stand at Nordstroms. She looked so pretty with her light and natural looking make up.

Yesterday we saw "Anger Management" and I loved it. That is a great combination.. Jack and Adam. It brought back memories of those Mondays that I had to go to the Domestic Violence Classes. Some of you may remember them... I was convicted of harassment for interfering with utilities when after not being married and not living in the house for 3 years I called the power company asked them to take my name off of the bill.. when they told me that my only choice would be to turn off the power... I did that... well, the court thought that I acted poorly and sentenced me to 16 weeks of domestic violence classes. If you have seen the movie.. you will see the parallel. I did learn quite a bit about myself in those classes. The movie does a good job with how it really is. I remember sitting in class and having this one guy go off about how he wanted to kill the woman at the grocery store because she wouldn't get off the phone when he wanted to find some garlic bread, or the time when this one guy showed us a poem to his wife.. each verse started 'fuck you bitch." and it ended "I am going to kill you..." whew... and the one night when I was standing outside waiting to go to class and there was this POP... and a clang... someone had shot at us.. and the bullet hit a pole about 5 feet from me.

Memories :) actually, I did get a lot out of those classes... as Adam Sandler did in this movie. Some of us repress our anger.. way too much.. I did become very good at that.. Now I know how to stand up for myself. As they used to say in class "It's ok to get angry, we should be angry.. but it's how you handle it" Keeping it inside isn't good.. bottling it up doesn't work.

I have had a lot to be pissed about... but now.. I have so much to be happy about.. so I can let all of that stuff in the past just go... but nothing in the future is going to be let go..

Happy Monday!

Anti Social
In less than 3 months we have all lost interest in being friends. One of the people that I work with commented that we all come to work.. do our thing and leave and we never really talk to each other. It is because we are all so busy... I think. So, she suggested that once a month we get together and go to lunch.. A nice little social even where we can learn more about each other.

The first one was ok.. we met in our company deli... and we got to know each other.. well about 4 people were missing. The second one was on a busy day.... Only 4 out of 16 people showed up.

Today.. I think it was cancelled.

maybe it isn't that we are too busy... maybe it is that we only want to see each other at the yearly Christmas Party and that's it.

Huh?

Strange Music

Kaydee was talking about the strange tune the he has been singing in the mornings.. and I had to say something about the song that has been in my head lately...

What's he building in there? by Tom Waits

Tom Waits rules!

I think it is funny... that when you look at the album on Amazon.com there is a section called...
Customers who bought this title also bought:
Blood Money ~ Tom Waits
Rain Dogs ~ Tom Waits
Small Change ~ Tom Waits
Closing Time ~ Tom Waits
Swordfishtrombones ~ Tom Waits
Franks Wild Years ~ Tom Waits
Heartattack & Vine ~ Tom Waits
Blue Valentine ~ Tom Waits

sounds like if you like Tom Waits... you don't like much else....

My Precious

The wedding day is approaching! So, we went to buy my ring. Costco had the best price on Men's Platinum wedding bands. We saw them there before so we stopped by to pick it up. We were told when we got there that they no longer carry platinum rings. I guess they were getting mixed up with the white gold and were being sold at a price that was much too low. So, we went home to order it online and have it delivered. We went through the process online and after ordering we were told that it would take up to 20 days to arrive. The wedding is in 15 days away!!! and that was 20 BUSINESS days!!! Yikes! So.. what to do? I called their customer service and was told that yes.. it could take 20 days.... oh no!!! So, I got an idea. We went back to Costco and bought a white gold ring.. and if the other one doesn't come in time..that is what we will use during the ceremony. Then when the platinum ring comes..we will return the gold ring.

I told this to the manager at Costco and he said "good idea" (although I am going to feel wierd returning a wedding band)

Whew!!!